


The Span of His Shoulders

by seitsemannen



Series: GOT7 body parts (unrelated oneshots) [5]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Canon Compliant, Flirty Jackson, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Jackson, Jaebum is bad at feelings, M/M, Miscommunication, Original Universe, and not so great at taking hints, make of that what you will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:24:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seitsemannen/pseuds/seitsemannen
Summary: Jaebum was simply perfection. He had a handsome face paired with the right body proportions: long legs, narrow hips and wide shoulders. Plus, on top of all that bodily goodness, Jaebum had just the right amount of bad boy charisma and adorable soft spots in his heart to be everything anyone could ask of a man. Rude.Jackson was not really that special, but he had ~special feelings~ towards the older boy, and he was determined to break through Jaebum's shell and get the leader to reveal his true feelings.And that was where Jinyoung came in. To "help".(Spoiler: he was of help, just... not in the way Jackson had intended)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ailyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailyn/gifts).



> For being with me through this horrible mess of a time in my life, and tolerating me despite everything.
> 
> For understanding and listening, and doing a good job as a rubber duck.
> 
> For staying up late, because I need someone to talk to.
> 
> Thank you.

Jaebum really had such perfect body proportions.

“Chic and sexy,” Jackson called him, and he made always sure to mean his compliments. Jaebum had the perfect profile for a man, a handsome face combined with a muscular build with long legs, narrow hips and wide shoulders, the perfect triangle.

Jackson had wide shoulders and narrow hips himself, but his shoulders were still not quite as wide as Jaebum's were, and he just could not look like a supermodel with his stump legs and horrible skin condition. But Jaebum, Jaebum could pull it off easily any day, with his sharp jaw and cat-like eyes, all strong and mysterious, the perfect bad boy of everyone's teenage dreams with his muscular but slim enough legs and broad shoulders and perfect everything.

Jackson was jealous. He admired Jaebum so much for everything the man was and represented, but no matter what Jackson did, Jaebum held him always at an arm length, never letting him close enough.

“You can talk to me informally,” he said. “Just as long as you call me hyung,” he said.

Sometimes it would be two steps forward, one step back. But mostly it would be one step forward, two steps back, and frustrating as hell. Jackson  _ knew _ that this was as close as he could get, that he should be happy for all the concessions he got, but Jackson had never been one to settle, and he certainly would not start now, even though he would be the one hurt by his own stubbornness. Jackson was one to be tilting at windmills, fighting against judgement and enemies impossible and invincible, knowing very well he would probably achieve nothing as just one drop in the ocean. But he would still try. He was not one to give up once he set his mind on things.

Jaebum was a challenge. The older was formal, detached, acting the part of the leader as he should, showing affection in just the right amounts to still command the respect of the other members, not getting too affectionate or favoring any one member.

And Jackson was the one to push and challenge. The one to intrude on the leader’s personal space, the one to coo and flirt in an attempt to make the tall, dark and handsome nervous, the one to bat his eyelashes at the older boy and try to get away with murder.

He kind of did, because apparently, Jaebum had a (poorly hidden) soft spot for Jackson, allowing the younger to drape himself half over the leader, or pretend he would kiss the older, or just hold hands on random occasions, more than Jaebum usually tended to allow. Jackson had heard Jinyoung ask Jaebum about it, and the older had simply said he knew Jackson needed a lot of affection and love, so he was just being a good leader and friend by taking that into account.

That was all. Nothing more to see.

Jackson almost believed that.

Call him stubborn or helplessly in love or stupidly optimistic and hopeful, but Jackson was  _ pretty _ sure there was something more to the way Jaebum tensed when Jackson draped himself all over the older boy and the way Jaebum shivered when Jackson leaned close to murmur something into his ear. Jackson went to great lengths with his touches, personal attention and flirting, loving the way Jaebum would get flustered when he went far enough. The cracks in the older boy’s exterior were so exciting, because they promised Jackson all sorts of things, if he would only manage to break through.

So Jackson kept pushing, kept trying to find new ways to get under Jaebum's shell. But for the most parts, Jaebum seemed so annoyingly  _ unaffected. _ He reacted to Jackson's nudity the same way he would to anyone's at the dorms; turning on his heel and walking the other way, pretending he saw nothing, he did not get jealous in any visible way although Jackson very visibly showered other members of their group with affection right in front of him, and he took all of Jackson's flirting in stride, like it meant nothing. But it did. The most Jackson got out of Jaebum were some embarrassed smiles and the occasional flush on the taller boy’s gorgeous high cheekbones, and sometimes an annoyed growl when Jackson would push too far, but that was it. It was not much to go on, really. If he were not Jackson Wang, the poster boy of perseverance and stubborn-headedness, he might have given up already. But he was, so he was not someone who knew when to stop for his own good.

It was just that Jackson was maybe getting a little bit frustrated, since he had been trying for so long. He was still pretty sure he was right and Jaebum did have some ~special feelings~ for him, but it did not seem like any mortal force would get Jaebum to admit nor display those.

Jackson might have had a low moment in which he had ended up going to rant to Jinyoung about how  _ impossible _ Jaebum was being, but that was fine because Jinyoung gave him the best idea yet. Jackson only had to take him out to eat meat, like, three times as a reward, and the younger always ordered the most expensive menu, but it was worth it. For Jaebum's love.

Jinyoung's plan was one part wearing the tightest jeans Jackson could fit his thighs in, two parts teasing Jaebum by getting himself into suggestive positions and showing off his ass in the leader’s direction as much and often as he could, and three parts alternating between ignoring Jaebum and annoying him with well timed jabs and comments. It was based on the assumption that what Jackson needed to do was to get Jaebum to crack, to get the older so frustrated or annoyed he would act rashly, and that those actions would display Jaebum's true feelings towards Jackson. It was what Jackson had kind of tried before, but amped up a notch, and Jackson hoped for the best that this, at least, would succeed. At least it was an universal, widely known truth that Jinyoung was an expert at pissing Jaebum off, so it should amount to at least something, right?

It seemed to work at least to some degree, because Jackson was pretty sure he could feel Jaebum's eyes on his back when he would bend over to pick something up backstage, and Jaebum seemed progressively more and more annoyed as the day went on and Jackson mostly ignored him, except for the teasing. Oh, he teasing. Jackson definitely enjoyed himself pressing against Jaebum's side only to blow him on his ear to tick him off, or shimmying himself to sit on Jaebum's lap in their changing rooms but talking to Bambam and Mark instead, giving Jaebum's attempts at conversation only one word answers.

Actually, it worked like a dream, because just as Jackson was leaving the changing room, Jaebum grabbed his wrist and insisted that they needed to  _ talk. _

Jackson wiggled his eyebrows at Jinyoung as he was dragged out of the room.

It was supposed to be Jackson’s breakthrough, but the reality was that the conversation did not go like Jackson would have wanted, at all. It started well, with Jaebum dragging him into a unisex toilet - perfect place for a hot makeout session and maybe a quick fondle - but instead of growling sexily at Jackson and asking him to stop teasing him like this, maybe even backing Jackson against a wall so Jackson could grind their hips together, Jaebum just stood in the middle of the room, an exasperated expression on his face and one hand rubbing at his temple as he turned to look at Jackson.

“Okay, so what have I done to upset Jinyoung so bad he would make you gang up on me?”

Jackson blinked at Jaebum, the conversation having taken a turn he had not expected at all, leaving him confused and maybe kind of offended because  _ Jinyoung,  _ what did this have to do with  _ Jinyoung? _ “Wh-What are you talking about?”

Jaebum sighed, those gorgeous dark eyes staring at Jackson like he was being deliberately obtuse, which he was not, for the record. “I tried to ask Jinyoung about it, but he would not say anything, and it’s obvious he set you to do this, so. If you could please explain what is going on so that I can solve this situation, that would be great.”

“Oh.” So Jaebum had seen the little gestures Jinyoung had made, guiding Jackson to stand there or do that or not to go talk to Jaebum right there and then, and thought this was about  _ Jinyoung. _ “No, it’s… Jinyoung is not upset, it’s. It’s nothing.”

Jaebum ran a hand through the messily styled locks of his brown hair, a gesture that Jackson usually found so sexy, but in this situation the gesture was done because of the not-sexual and not-pleasant frustration Jaebum felt because of Jackson, so instead of feeling all fluttery in his stomach, Jackson felt like a disappointment, the emotion clutching and clawing at his chest nastily. Jackson could not even enjoy the way the material of the white dress shirt Jaebum was wearing for today’s styling stretched over his shoulders as he moved his arms. It was bad.

“Really, you’re telling me Jinyoung didn’t put you up to this? You’ve been acting weird all day and whispering with Jinyoung even more than usual, like you two are up to something. It’s quite obvious.”

Suddenly the bathroom that had seemed like the perfect place to finally take his and Jaebum’s relationship to another level seemed too small and too dirty for Jackson, and he just wanted to get out, get away from that disappointed look in Jaebum’s eyes and that furrow between his eyebrows, like a father scolding a child he knew was lying to him. And well, Jackson sort of was, but not really. The situation was not like Jaebum had figured, but Jackson could not really justify his actions in a way that would not reveal everything, he would basically have to straight out  _ confess _ to Jaebum, and really, with how Jackson had tried to do something along the lines before and how Jaebum had just taken it in just a friendly way, Jackson was not ready to go through that again right now.

So he kind of panicked. “Sure, whatever you say, yeah. I’ll stop. It was stupid anyway.”

And just like that, the moment in which Jackson had thought he would finally make a breakthrough with Jaebum had turned into a disaster, and Jackson ran away like a coward, going back to the others. Jinyoung sent him a curious look that quickly turned into one of sympathy when he saw the expression on Jackson's face (Jackson had no idea what his expression revealed about his feelings right now, but he dared to hope his whole and utter heartbreak was not written plainly on his relatively average features).

Instead of Jinyoung though, Jackson walked over to where Mark was sitting, taking comfort in the way the oldest of them needed no explanations, no words, simply accepting Jackson into his arms and lap although the younger was bigger and heavier. This was the best thing about the eldest of them; Mark just held him fondly without a question, and that was what Jackson needed right now. Jinyoung thought words were important, he always insisted on talking about everything, but Jinyoung got the message now, and instead of bullying answers out of Jackson (at least immediately), he pulled Jaebum into a headlock the moment the leader stepped into their common waiting room, hyung status be damned, and pulled the older and taller one outside for an interrogation Jackson was rather glad he was not a part of.

But Mark, Mark rubbed Jackson’s back affectionately and talked about inconsequential things like what food they should order for dinner and that he disagreed with what the styling noonas had done with his hair today, recounting how much he hated the perm he had had during A era for good measure. The maknae line quickly picked up on something being wrong and made sure to fill any silence with games and jokes, and Jackson appreciated it. He was immensely grateful for the friends he had in the group (even Jaebum, even though he thought right now that Jaebum was stupid, and that maybe nothing would come out of their possible relationship after all).

  
  
  


Jackson had successfully avoided Jaebum all afternoon. Jinyoung or Mark had constantly stuck to Jackson’s side and kept him busy, not giving Jaebum much room to interact with him, nor the possibility to catch him alone. Jaebum had tried to talk with him once or twice, and Jackson was happy for his saviors, not feeling like he could go back to acting like the cheerful person he was right after today's disappointment. Jaebum seemed to get the message after a couple of tries and left them alone, allowing for them as a group to relax from the tension that had formed as all were probably somewhat aware of what was going on. It was probably the reason Jaebum did leave them alone. He always thought of the good of the group.

They had had a mostly good day as a group in the end, performing well, but of course, like usual, they only arrived at the dorms very late and tired, and everyone was in a more or less of a hurry getting ready to go to bed. Youngjae and Bambam would probably stay up late playing games again, but Jackson had an early schedule tomorrow, so Jackson got the first turn in the shower so he could get to sleep as soon as possible. Jackson had changed after his shower into the most comfortable clothes he could find, loose basketball shorts and a big hoodie, completely hiding his frame underneath. Jackson liked to drown himself in loose clothes, liking the feeling of being small and safe in layers of loose and comfortable fabric, and it was a welcome contrast after the tight clothes he had been wearing all day, especially after the hit his self-confidence had taken earlier. Comfort clothes and comfort food. Very important parts for rebuilding the Jackson Wang cheerfulness and confidence. He had string cheese stashed in the back of the refrigerator for this exact purpose.

It was getting late, but Jackson had not gone to sleep just yet, lying on his bed ready to do so, but still browsing messages on social media idly to pass time, buried in the folds of his big and warm blanket. Otherwise Jackson would already be sleeping, but he was feeling childish and small and he did not feel like getting up and turning the lights off himself, so he was going to wait for Mark to come back from his shower, so that Mark would be the one to turn the lights off, and Jackson would not have to get up from the comfort of his bed.

It was the perfect plan, except for one thing. Jackson was unguarded and alone, and this, of course, was the moment when Jaebum decided to confront him again after hours of truce and radio silence. For no reason, in Jackson’s opinion. Not that Jackson said that aloud when the older boy entered after barely knocking, he only glared at the older boy for the way his brown hair was plastered adorably on his forehead where it was still half wet. The older and taller was perfect even now, no makeup on his face but his skin glowing mostly unblemished, a simple white t-shirt with a v-neckline revealing the top of the older boy’s muscular chest and stretching just right across his broad back. Really, it was unfair once again. Jackson was pretty sure he looked like a hobo, except that he was maybe more clean and his clothes were not torn and dirty.

Jackson tore his eyes away from Jaebum’s frame, satisfied with his amount of glaring, trying to signal that he did not want to talk to their leader right now. He focused his eyes back on his smartphone again, scrolling through his weibo feed although he had already seen everything there was to be seen, but. He had to pretend he was busy. It was an important social cue he was sending. It would have been more effective if he had headphones, but it should still be clear enough.

Jaebum apparently did not care about etiquette and common courtesy and stuff at least right now, because the older just went and sat down onto the side of Jackson’s bed, displaying no intention of leaving Jackson alone despite all the “LEAVE ME ALONE” hints Jackson was giving. But Jackson stayed strong, figuring that if he ignored his hyung for long enough, Jaebum would either get the message and leave.

No such luck apparently, because after a long moment of tense silence, instead of getting up and going away, Jaebum spoke up. “So. What did I do to upset you?”

Jackson could not help the scoff that left his lips, but he immediately regretted it, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and chewing on it. It was not like him, to act like this, but he could not help the feeling of neglect or maybe jealousy that swelled in his chest, making him feel like he could not breathe. Or maybe it was like him to act like this - he got feelings of uncertainty so easily, and he always needed some time to rebuild his cheerful exterior and did not appreciate people poking and prodding at him while he did. Not that it mattered right now if this was like him or not, because the things Jackson  _ felt _ right now overpowered how his brain told him he  _ should _ act if he were being logical and rational. Which he was not right now.

Jackson turned the screen of his smartphone off, knowing he could not avoid this conversation anymore, and turned onto his side so he could look at Jaebum without getting a crick into his neck. There was a confused and concerned furrow to Jaebum’s brow now. He studied Jackson’s face with concern obvious in his eyes, and Jackson felt a pang of guilt for worrying the older boy, although it was not enough to overwhelm the turmoil of his ugly, jealous emotions.

There was no easy answer to Jaebum’s question. Saying that nothing had upset Jackson was straight out lying and it was obvious that the older would not believe him if he claimed he was not upset, but ‘I was trying to seduce you with Jinyoung’s help and you thought it was Jinyoung’s plan to get back to you over some upset and that made me feel jealous and misunderstood’ would not do either.

Jackson was apparently taking too long to answer, because Jaebum continued after licking the thin line of his lips nervously. “Jinyoung told me I was being dense and said he was only upset for your sake, and that you're now upset, like that was not obvious, and I tried to ask him, but Jinyoung wouldn't--”

“Would you stop talking about Jinyoung?!”

The outburst was sudden and unwelcome and  _ definitely _ unlike Jackson. He wanted to slam a hand over his mouth and bury himself into his covers and stay hidden forever, but that would not take his petty words back, and now Jaebum's eyes were wide as saucers, eyebrows closing the distance to his hairline as he looked at Jackson in utter surprise. Jackson pouted, unable to hold Jaebum's eye contact for long and fiddling with the string of his hoodie instead, dwindling it in his fingers and following the movement with his eyes, like it were the most interesting thing ever.

It was not. Also, Jackson was definitely not being exactly smooth or subtle.

And Jaebum was not stupid, although he was kind of slow and dense when it came to reading other’s emotions.

“You're  _ jealous? _ ” Jaebum blurted, and yeah, Jackson was definitely not gonna look up now. His fingernails were  _ super _ interesting. He should really take better care of them, file them and stop chewing on the hangnails maybe. They would look much better if he put some more effort in them. Maybe he should use some lotion on his hands more often.

“Jackson, look at me.” Nuh-uh, not happening. “Come on. Is that what this is about? Because if you are jealous for attention and need more, just say so, I’ll give you more, if you want.”

It was how close Jaebum’s words kind of came to the truth while not being intended like that, that made Jackson snapped his eyes up to Jaebum's. He willed himself to glare sharp daggers at the older man, sitting up and throwing aside his blankets of protection although he felt more like curling in on himself. But was it not so that a cornered animal was the most dangerous one? Was this not him standing up on his hind feet and showing off his claws and teeth, trying to appear as big and threatening as he could to try and scare the predator off?

“It's not that. You don't get it, but that's fine, it's my problem and I'll get over it. Just. Leave me alone for now.” Jackson did not like the way his voice got smaller towards the end of the sentence. He had to be strong now. Claws and teeth. Super threatening growl maybe, to tell the preying animal to back off. No sign of weakness, or he would be done for.

It was difficult though, when Jaebum looked at him with so much  _ worry _ written into the lines of his face, laying one hand firmly on Jackson’s shoulder, squeezing the muscle comfortingly through the thick fabric of the hoodie. Sitting like this they seemed like they would be pretty much the same height, as Jackson was only lacking length from his legs, and their eyes were almost at the same level. The leader’s voice was low, soothing, pitched to communicate that the frightened animal had nothing to fear, that he were  _ safe _ although Jackson knew very well he was not. “You're right, I don't get it, but Jackson,  _ please. _ I need to understand. I  _ want _ to understand.”

The problem with Jackson was that he was not very good at keeping his mouth shut, holding back words when he really wanted to say them. He was tired and emotionally exhausted and Jaebum kept prodding, kept insisting, so finally the floodgates holding Jackson's emotions back just crashed down, giving in under the pressure of the sincere concern in Jaebum's warm eyes. If they were the predator and the prey instead of the two very human friends they were, Jackson would have failed at making an impact and scaring the predator off, and would get eaten cruelly now. But no, death would have been an easy escape, and Jackson’s lot in life was instead the humiliation of baring his feelings to someone who had really given no proper, real and tangible indication of returning them. Bonus points for Jackson for possibly wrecking their friendship which was so crucial for them to be able to work together.

Yep. Jackson was not the smartest human. He would have been far better off as the prey. At least the prey would not have to have all these bothersome thoughts and stupid feelings.

“I like you, okay? And no matter what I do, you won't see or accept that. When I hint at it or flirt with you, you treat it as a joke, so, yeah. I'm jealous, and upset, and frustrated, and it’s hard. But now I said it, and you can say whatever you have to say, and then we will do whatever is required so we can keep being in the same group, so… Yeah.” Jackson eyed Jaebum carefully, but the expression on Jaebum’s face was a blank except for his obvious surprise, and Jackson was growing increasingly nervous as Jaebum was not giving him an answer although the seconds ticked by.

“Please say something.” Jackson intended to lighten the mood by maybe chuckling at the end of that sentence, but what he managed was only a strangled sound that made him probably only sound that much more desperate. Fuck.

But at least the comment had the effect that Jaebum seemed to snap out of a daze, blinking a couple of times at Jackson, his lips forming a tight line before he opened his mouth, clearly still at loss for words but at least trying to say something for Jackson’s benefit. Jackson tried to not focus on the way his heart was making these creaking sounds in his chest, aching already, prepared to break with the words that would fall off of Jaebum’s lips. His beautiful, beautiful lips. It was no good to focus on those either.

Jaebum cleared his throat before finally speaking. “You like me.”

Well, that certainly added no new information into the conversation, and was not really useful for anything other than rubbing more salt into Jackson’s gaping open wound.

“Yeah,” Jackson stated simply, wanting to get this over with.

“Why?” Jaebum looked honestly just confused now. Jackson was not sure why this was so hard to grasp. He thought he had made it pretty clear before that he was interested in both girls and boys. He was  _ pretty _ sure there had been some drinking game of truth and dare where he had revealed he was bisexual, or at least something that was a clear indication of that. So it should not be a huge surprise that Jackson might have such feelings towards a boy.

Of course it might be a shock for Jaebum because he would not have expected Jackson to dump such feelings on him, but then he could just, you know, say ‘thanks but sorry I don’t feel the same way’ and they could move on and be bros with no homo bro feelings only. Jackson was pretty sure at least that Jaebum would not be  _ disgusted _ at Jackson feeling such things for a boy because Jaebum had given no indication of being homophobic before, but…

But Jackson was overanalyzing things again, when he should be talking instead. Like, having a conversation. Getting answers from Jaebum, who was sitting in front of him, instead of trying to come up with them by himself in his head, as that was not going to lead him anywhere. “Why what? Why I like boys? Why I like you?”

“Why me?”

Jackson let out a dull laugh. This conversation was starting to get frustrating as he was still waiting to hear those words of rejection or not-rejection out of Jaebum’s mouth, but instead the older boy was still keeping him in this limbo of not knowing, pumping more information out of him. It was borderline cruel. But he could entertain Jaebum for a moment more, if this was really needed.

“Because I think you are amazing, and have both an attractive body and mind. I don’t know. I like your smile. I like you. It’s hard to say. There’s no reason for why feelings are a certain way, they just are.”

Jaebum blinked at him again, hands clenching and unclenching into fists in his lap, and Jackson allowed himself to admire the dark brown color of Jaebum's irises for a moment, the color so vivid and warm when seen from this close, although it looked almost black from further away. Jackson was so focused on drinking in each detail of Jaebum's face, the sharp, slightly crooked line of his nose and the small twin moles on his eyelid, that he almost missed Jaebum's answer.

Jackson, in fact, missed most of it, because Jaebum was mumbling under his breath, maybe not intending to say the words aloud to start with. “-- you weren’t supposed to like me, and I was supposed to hold back, and I was doing  _ so well, _ but how am I supposed to pretend it’s nothing now? Oh god, the management would  _ kill me…” _

“What did you say?”

Jackson’s voice was about an octave higher than normal, and it was not attractive at all, but he could not bring himself to care. Jaebum looked like a deer in the headlights of a car, and the words that had escaped the leader’s lips just now had sounded like he was freaking out, but, good news, it did not sound like a bad kind of a freak out. It sounded like just the kind of a freak out that would be the perfect freak out to have in this freaking out situation. Okay, so maybe Jackson was about to freak out too. Or maybe he had just lost it in this nervous mess of a limbo he was in right now.

But what Jaebum had said - what Jackson was  _ pretty _ sure he had heard right - really sounded like Jaebum was admitting to having some feelings for Jackson.

“I-- Nothing?” The way Jaebum's voice raised towards the end of the word made it clear that he was definitely not speaking the truth. One more point for the Jackbum theory.

Jackson felt heady, daring, like in free fall, and he leaned closer to Jaebum, glad to watch the older lean back while eyeing Jackson warily. Jaebum looked apprehensive, eyes flitting all over Jackson’s face. Jackson was pretty sure the smirk that was slowly slipping onto his face was absolutely obnoxious. “Really? You sure? It sure sounded like something to me.”

Jackson considered for a moment climbing into Jaebum's lap, and in the end could not find in himself the will to control the urge. He clambered into the older’s lap with less grace than he had hoped he would possess, but the blush and panic on Jaebum's face totally made it worth it. Jackson took it as a good sign that he was not immediately shoved off of the lap and onto the floor, because he would not have put that behind Jaebum, at least if he were any of the other members. But instead of moving, Jaebum was looking at Jackson with eyes wide, hands now supporting his upper body where he was leaning back, away from Jackson. Jackson spent a fleeting look admiring the attractively tensed muscles of Jaebum's arms, but mostly his attention was focused on the way Jaebum's thighs felt nicely firm and muscular beneath him.

This was crazy. This was awesome. And this was so, so dangerous if Jackson was not reading the situation right.

Instead of an answer, Jaebum let out a strangled sound, and with that and the look in the older boy’s dark eyes, Jackson was suddenly sure. Jaebum was so unmoving beneath him, his eyes vulnerable and Jackson just somehow  _ knew. _ He had felt that same uncertainty, that same fear, but he had also always been the one to play with his heart on his sleeve, to risk it with no guarantee that he would not be hurt by putting himself out there. So he did.

Jackson moved slow enough that if at any point Jaebum would want to stop him, there would be plenty of time to do so. He brought one hand to hold onto the side of Jaebum’s neck, fingers curling into the short hairs at the nape of the brunette’s neck, thumb resting next to the older boy’s ear. The action by itself was already a clear indication of what Jackson was about to do, but there was no slap to his hand, no leaning away or shoving him off. Jaebum remained completely still, blinking at Jackson while the blonde gave the older a moment to react, before slowly leaning down to press a kiss on the line of Jaebum’s lips.

The response was instant. Jaebum's eyes fell closed and his lips fell open, immediately answering the kiss like he had not been frozen just now, but waiting for this all along. His lips were soft and dry and maybe a little rough on the edges, before tongues clashed and everything turned slick and wet and so  _ so _ hot, and when was it that they had gone from zero to hundred? Jaebum smelled like spice and tasted like peppermint toothpaste, and his hands were warm where they came to press against Jackson's clothed back to pull the younger boy closer, although Jackson  _ knew _ he could not actually feel Jaebum's body heat from the older boy’s hands through the thick material of the hoodie Jackson was wearing, but… The fact that Jaebum was touching him like this, with  _ intent _ although it was just his hands on Jackson's back, was intense.

They had to part for air a long and heated moment later, and Jackson was sure he was quite the sight with how his lips felt like they were  _ burning.  _ If he had not already been feeling hot and bothered, he would have definitely begun to feel so with how Jaebum was looking (slightly up because of how Jackson was now, uh, kind of straddling his thighs) at him, eyes hooded and pupils blown and looking like he could absolutely devour Jackson. Jackson was not sure he would mind.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that…” Jaebum whispered huskily into the small space between them, warm breath ghosting over Jackson's lips, and the combination of sensory information made arousal thump low and heavy in Jackson’s stomach. The younger licked his lips nervously, brain idly noting that Jaebum followed the movement with his eyes.

“So why haven’t you?” He finally asked, his voice not quite steady but Jackson preferred to think it was in a rough and sexy way instead of a nervous, fluttery one.

Again unfair, Jaebum's voice was pure sex, all low and rumbling. Jackson almost forgot to focus on the words. “Because… so many things could go wrong, and endanger our careers, our group. I didn't want to do that.”

“So,” Jackson started, clearing his throat a little to hide that his voice had cracked, “would you stop me if I tried to kiss you again?”

Jaebum's expression twisted, and he looked torn, but the most striking about it was that Jaebum appeared so  _ helpless _ in the face of the possibility of Jackson kissing him again. That was the moment Jackson knew he had won, broken through Jaebum’s shell, even before Jaebum shook his head to confirm the fact.

There had been barely any restraint in the first kiss, and there was definitely none in the second one. This time it was Jaebum's hand that got tangled in Jackson's hair instead of the other way around, and Jackson used their position to his advantage, guiding Jaebum to lie down on his back on Jackson's bed, not breaking their kiss other than for the short moments they took quick breaths against each other’s lips or wanted to change the pace or form of their kiss.

Jackson was perched on his elbows around both sides of Jaebum's head, hardly able to believe that he had the breadth of Jaebum's shoulders pressing against him, and for a moment Jackson cursed that he was wearing the bulky hoodie, because he totally could have felt the planes of Jaebum's chest against his right now if he only wore a tank top or a t-shirt like the older boy did. However it was good enough just to have the hot press of Jaebum's body against his, even though they were firmly  _ not _ moving where their crotches were quite close to being pressed together, and Jackson absolutely loved the way Jaebum's other hand smoothed down the younger’s back in a soothing, appreciative manner, making Jackson feel like preening.

He would have, if Jaebum's hand had not slipped beneath the hem of the soft pink hoodie donning Jackson's frame, lifting it upwards so those curious fingers could feel the muscles of Jackson's lower back just above the waistline of his boxers, and Jackson  _ squealed. _

Not even the pleasant rumbling of Jaebum's laughter could make Jackson forget his embarrassment as he pulled back from the kiss and tried to glare down at Jaebum in a chastising manner, but due to the way it only made the older laugh harder, Jackson knew he had failed, and probably looked as threatening as an angry puppy.

Since there seemed to be no end to Jaebum's laughter, Jackson did something he had wanted to do for a long while, and bit down on the muscle of Jaebum's shoulder through the cotton of white t-shirt that the older was wearing, earning a sound that was somewhere between a yelp and moan as a reward. A moan of surprise, Jackson decided. Jackson decided biting random Jaebum's body parts was a good idea if he would as a reward get those sorts of sounds and Jaebum turning the tables on him like he was doing right now, rolling so that it was Jackson on his back beneath the taller boy. Jackson  _ loved _ how suggestive the situation got oh-so-naturally because of how Jaebum was lying between Jackson's legs now, and  _ hello,  _ that was definitely not a phone pressing next to Jackson's not-a-phone.

The way Jaebum's shoulders were wider than Jackson's as the older hovered above him was absolutely perfect, and everything Jackson wanted. He brought his hands to hold onto both of Jaebum's shoulders, marveling at the unleashed power inherent in the brawn, giving them a squeeze at the same exact moment Jaebum decided to roll his hips against Jackson's, and the younger's eyes slipped closed as he let out a low moan.

It was a flurry of discarded clothes, sloppy kisses and desperate grinds from there. There was both too much and not enough space between them in their attempt to both get closer and rid of their clothes.

Jackson had always appreciated the way Jaebum was toned but still had these tiny squishy parts, the older never having had much interest in bulking up and instead having done exercise mostly for the sake of being able to do dancing and tricks better, much unlike Jackson (and lately Mark and Bambam), who did weight-lifting for looks. It was amazing, feeling down the muscles at Jaebum’s back and taking hold of his firm and bare buttocks as Jaebum rolled their hips together. Jackson loved the way they were both sweating and panting and occasionally shaking from the strength of the pleasure they were experiencing together.

Jaebum looked absolutely perfect in the yellow light of the roof lamp shining from behind him, making him appear all strong and dangerous at the edges, while his expression remained so warm and affectionate. Jackson felt like squirming because of the way Jaebum was looking at him like he was something completely out of this world, although Jackson was sure all his nasty pores were showing and he probably looked absolutely disgusting like this. Self-deprecating thoughts were thrown aside only when Jaebum leaned down to kiss him again, tongues dancing clumsily as most of both of their focus was on what Jackson’s hand was doing between them, and Jackson arched his back a little, meeting Jaebum’s hips once again as they moved.

They came a couple of movements apart, adding to the mess they already had on their respective stomachs from the lube and the sweat, Jaebum slumping half on top of Jackson on the bed as they tried to catch their breaths. Jackson liked the feel Jaebum’s weight on him, the way he felt like it grounded him, and he decided not to care for a moment that they were both sweaty and that the cooling come between them was sticky and nasty.

Jackson startled when Jaebum suddenly spoke up next to his ear, the older’s usually smooth voice all gravelly and sexy. “You’re absolutely perfect.”

The words were so absurd, coming from someone who was like the male model mannequin of what a perfect man should be like, directed at someone who was too short, too bulky and really not that handsome either. Jackson let out a laughter that was supposed to be dismissive, but ended up being almost hysteric.

Jaebum propped himself up on one elbow to be able to look Jackson in the eye, and Jackson felt a little uncomfortable because of how pitying Jaebum’s gaze was, like he could not or did not want to believe Jackson’s reaction. The tone of his voice and his following words only confirmed that. “I know that you seem to have trouble believing how amazing you are, Jackson, but if you do want to be with me, you will hear me tell you these things every day until you believe them, and even thereafter. Alright?”

Jackson blinked up at Jaebum, disliking the way he felt too vulnerable and open in front of the older boy right now, but unable to help it either. He had always been too easy to read, hadn’t he? But there was only one answer to Jaebum’s question, so Jackson nodded, although hesitantly. “But won’t you get frustrated at me, since I don’t think I can ever fully believe that you really mean it?”

Jaebum’s smile was soft and affectionate, and the older pushed Jackson’s blond and now also sweaty bangs back from his forehead with one hand before leaning down to plant a soft kiss down on the imperfect skin like it was the finest porcelain. Jackson felt like crying.

“As long as you are willing to at least listen to what I have to say, maybe one day you will see at least glimpses of the beauty that I see in you, and that is enough for me.”

Jackson nodded again, a lump in his throat and tears in his eyes, the love he had for Jaebum only just overwhelming the feeling of inadequateness he had about himself.

“I’ll try.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real Jackbum fic annnnd I was very nervous writing it because I was not sure I would be able to pin the dynamic down with how I am used to depicting Jackson in Markson fics? But actually, I really do like how this turned out, and it gives me confidence to write some more Jackbum in the future too :3 I have some plans...
> 
> This became much longer than I thought because insecure Jackson took over the reins, but I am okay with this :D
> 
> Let me know how you liked it, and if you have any advice regarding Jackbum, I'd love to hear it~ ♥


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